Here is an update on my thoughts through the last few days. I wallered in my moment of depression until I couldn't stand it any longer. I must say that as usual when I struggle with my inner thoughts, I find answers. I had mentioned in the last post that I decided to blog my feelings. I know from past experience it is helpful to get your frustrations and feelings down on paper. This was the first step in discovering why I was feeling the way I was.
I learned quickly that one of the reasons that I was feeling down was I wasn't praying to my Heavenly Father as I should. At least I wasn't pausing to start my day with prayer and I was rushing through my evening prayers. I frequently pray through the day and that wasn't happening as much. I normally go by the adage given by my grandmother," always carry a prayer in your heart."
I also wasn't pondering on the scriptures which always bring peace to my soul. The truth was I didn't want to do these things. I know when I am in a mood like this I need to pull back and see that I am going downhill and not up and I didn't want to discover this either. I have often thought it is interesting that when I need prayer and the scriptures the most is when it seems the hardest to do this. I know that when I am doing these things; I have improved days and I seem to handle better the adversity in my life.
Over the last several weeks I have found myself so busy that I haven't had a moment to just take a breathe and enjoy my journey. Between our calling as Inner City Missionaries, temple assignment on Saturdays along with family events the time has wheezed by and left me with no way to just pause for a second to think. I would say my brain was on overload. I sometimes ponder on how our brain works and I think it is much like a computer. We are always going through our files to find and store answers. Our mind is always busy gathering, storing, seeing, relating and feeling. When we are doing too much the computer shuts down on it's own and you have to restart it. At least my brain computer does that. So for a few days my brain just went into overload. I didn't want to really do anything. I was tired of storing thoughts and looking through files to find the answers. I just needed to unplug for a while.
During this brief break; I took more time to talk with my Heavenly Father in prayer. During these prayers I paused a little longer to listen. I am a talker. I know that many times I rush through my prayers and I don't pause for even a second to listen. It has not been a two way conversation for a while. When I am not in the listening mode; I don't feel the spirit as much in my life.
The one thing that we need most is to have the spirit in our life. Pres. Boyd K. Packer of the 12 Apostles said the following: "It's a noisy world, and you're going to have to learn personally and privately, and individually that revelation will come when the Lord can speak to our feeling...Go quietly into the world , and quietly about your affairs -learn that in the still, small hours of the morning, the Lord will speak to you. He will never fail to answer your prayers". Isn't that a marvelous promise. The Lord will hear and answer prayers. I think I have been sleeping in to much this summer and I need to open up more time to visit with my Heavenly Father.
We need to take time to just be still. We need quiet time in our lives. We need to take moments in our busy lives and listen for the spirit's quiet voice. We need to ponder and mediate more.
I named this blog "Living Waters" for a reason. I know that through Christ we can drink from his living waters on a daily basis. We can stop at the well and pause in our journey and listen to Christ just like he talked with the, "Woman At The Well."
I love to read the Book of Mormon and there is a new Book of Mormon Challenge. Start the Book of Mormon on September 1st and complete it by the end of the year. I completed that challenge a few years ago and it blessed my life immensely. I try to read from it's pages everyday.
This year we are reading and studying the New Testament in our Sunday school class. This is such a marvelous book of scripture. Each time I read it my life is changed, lifted and I come to know my Savior more. I am so grateful for the living waters that I receive when I read and ponder the scriptures. My life is better when I am in communication with my Heavenly Father. I receive the healing power of the Savior in my life and I do better with my moments of adversity.
My computer is up and running thanks to all of you and too the healing power of Christ.
10 comments:
you visited my blog and i wonder how you found me but I am so glad I found you...thanx. I'll be back.
Dear LeAnn, I'm sorry you were going through a bad time for a few days, but it sounds like things are better? Hopefully so. I just want to tell you that "this too shall pass". We all have our bad days. Here in blogland, I think most of us tend to just tell the uplifting side and gloss over or ignore the bad days because we think it might be a downer to talk about. I just wanted to say that I appreciate your honesty and that it helps to know that we are not alone. When these bad days come upon us, we tend to think we're all alone and no one else could possibly feel that way. At least, I do. We don't want to burden anyone with our fears, anxiety, depression, etc. I'm glad you found the courage to talk about it and that gives the rest of us comfort to know that we are not alone in feeling the way we do occasionally. And, as you said, we may not belong to the same church or same faith, but we love the same Jesus. And that common denominator unites us all and we all can share and support each other in the good times and bad times. You are a dear blog friend and I appreciate all your loving comments and your love for the Lord. Hope you are feeling much better today, have a wonderful weekend!
Hugs and love,
Cheryl
Hi LeAnn!
So glad you are feeling better about life! You are always such a positive person, that I worry when you are feeling down!
Thank you for reminding me how important it is to take our problems to the Lord. He is always there, just waiting for us to ask for His help and guidance. I am finding this out more and more as I study and prepare my lessons each week as the Mia Maid advisor. I really need to pass this message on to them!
Beautiful Post sweet sister!
Hugs and Love,
Barb
The experience you describe is very familiar to me. In fact, I posted about it today.
There are definitely cycles of spirituality. We all know what we need to do, but you are right in saying it's hardest to do those things when we need them most.
I also agree that it's not just the praying, but the listening that makes a difference. (And I'm a talker, too!)
=)
LeAnn, I think you are being too hard on yourself. If I had to hold myself up to your standard, I would be depressed most of the time. As I've told you before, I just don't understand how you do all you do. You're just a very busy lady. I know we need to read our scriptures and really study them. That is one thing I have admired you so much for. You actually do that. I don't always do it and I feel bad about that.
Dick and I just seem to have a hard time setting a certain time each day to do it. I keep on trying though. You really are a good example for me.
As for praying often. I really do that! So I guess I am not too bad a person. Prayer helps me so much. I like to feel that closeness to my Heavenly Father. That is just so easy for me.
I only just read this post and the one below. I have to agree with everything you and said. And thanks for the reminder of prayer and scripture study, I haven't been at my best this week and I know it will catch up with me if I don't catch up with it first.
Hello dear LeAnn,
I am sorry that I was caught up in my own challenges and did not get around to reading your blog earlier in the week. I am sorry that I was not there to offer you encouragement when you were down. I think that we all have "down" days from time to time. I think that you are brave to admit it. In a way, it makes me feel better. Knowing that someone as faithful and spiritual as you are can have a "down" day makes me feel better about me have "down" days from time to time. I want to be upbeat. I want to be an example of being faithfully optimistic and happy.... but at times I don't feel that way. Like you, sometimes I don't pray as earnestly as I should. Sometimes I don't read the scriptures as often as I should. Sometimes I feel the spirit less than I should.... I want to do better, but knowing that someone like you sometimes has the same challenges, makes me feel better about myself. lol
I love it when you blog about the happy good times in your life.... but I also am inspired when you blog about your challenges. Knowing that you choose to be faithful and prayerful in spite of your challenges motivates me to do the same.
I just found an email you wrote me several days ago. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I had not read your post when I replied to your email. I did not know that you have down.... however, I did send you my phone number. If you want to call someone who has plenty of time to visit and would love to hear from you...complaints and all... give me a call. I think we are much alike. Thank you for your example. Hugs, Lura
Leann, I am glad that you are feeling somewhat better. I have kept you in my extra special prayers. I know it is so easy from time to time to feel down in the doldrums. I do at times as well, but I am ever grateful that I never stay down for long. Sending love and hugs to you today! xxoo
Sounds like you are back! I knew you would be. Thanks for all of your kind comments and encouragement! You are a great friend! Melody
I usually forget to stop and Be Still until I am ready to jump outta my skin. I need to send you a small prayer a friend sent me. Thinking of you and knowing that prayer will get us thru anything.......
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