It's one of those days when I am in prayer mode along with saying my favorite scripture to remind me that I must accept the will of the Lord. Submitting that will is sometimes very difficult. I am sure I am like most people I want what I want. Sometimes coming to peaceful feelings can be a difficult road.
"Trust in the Lord with all thy heart; lean not on thine own understanding in all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy path". Proverbs 3: 5-6.
I have that scripture come to my mind often these days.
I am now in Las Vegas, Nevada to be with my brother who is in an Intensive Care Unit in critical condition. This is so hard. I love my brother so much. He is my friend and has helped me through many difficulties by having a listening ear and wise counsel. He recently had a very delicate surgery on four aneurysms; one in his abdomen and one in each leg along with one higher up on the leg. The surgery went well; however he has the complication of Congestive Heart Failure, Pulmonary Edema which is fluid on the lung. At this point his vital signs are stable; but the fluid is not coming off the lung as soon as would be good. Also, he needed blood today which indicates he is bleeding somewhere. His kidney function was improving; but one of the levels is going up again.He is intubated and back on a respirator. It is purely a balancing act with drugs and etc. Too much of one thing can cause another symptom. Being a nurse I know just enough to really know how sick he is.
Last night as I was reading and journaling thoughts on the Book of Mormon; I marveled at Nephi and his patience, long suffering, loving and loyal attitude towards his own brothers who were threatening to kill him.
As I have faced difficulties and trials in my own life; I find myself impatient and sometimes not willing to submit or fully understand the will of the Lord. As we go through our earthly trials we hopefully learn and grow in our patience and long suffering. Those two virtues are usually difficult. I do accept God's will but have hope that my will is the same as his will. I would say that is some progress in my thinking.
My dear husband gave me a beautiful blessing before I came here. I know that my role is to give comfort and compassion to my brother's family. I pray that I will have the spirit with me to do just that. We all have different ways of handling difficult moments. We are all grieving in our own way therefore it is sometimes hard to know how to comfort and help each family members. I love my sister in law and it is so hard to watch her tenderly talk with him and encourage him to stay. He does respond to us at times; so I know he is hearing us and knows that we are there with him. He is fighting the good fight and his life is in God's hands. I do not know what I would do if I didn't have the testimony that I do. I feel the comfort and peace of the spirit.
I do trust in the Lord with all my heart.