Why would l want a headache?? I know that if I cry a lot I will have a headache sometime around 3 am. So why in the world would one want to cause a headache. I will tell you why. I have been pondering on what I would change in my life and if I could start over what would I do different? In truth there is not much that I would change. I have enjoyed my life. I would want the same parents and siblings.
I would want my same husband, children and posterity.
I am happy with the path I have taken. I liked being a daughter, sister, girlfriend, wife, mother, grandmother, and great grandmother. I liked the career of nursing that I chose and the opportunities I had while working. I have loved all of the callings in the church that I have been given. Some of the callings have been difficult but good learning experiences and many of them have brought me great joy.
There are just a few things I would have done different. I would have perhaps had more children. I feel sad that I didn't have one more. However, my health wasn't good at the time I wanted another child. I felt it wasn't wise to have another baby.
I would have liked to have been a more patient mother. Perhaps laughed more and raised my voice less. However, the older and wiser I became the better I was at laughing through many parenting experiences. I loved being an imperfect mother and loved those children of mine with all of my heart and soul. Now I can enjoy my grandchildren and great grandchildren more because I have more patience and wisdom.
Well back to the tears shed today. I got to thinking about my parents. My father passed away in October of 2001 and my dear mother passed away in July of 2006.
My oldest brother passed away in July of 2010. I miss them all so much. Just thinking about them started my tears.
Here are a few more things I would do different. When I first got married we lived near both our parents. I was very close to my mother and would call her every day. She loved my dear husband so much. So if I ever complained about him she would take his side. I loved her for that. My mother was so good to take the children when needed as were my husband's parents. Both of our parents really enjoyed our first two sons. When my husband graduated from college we moved to California. In those days you had to pay for every minute of a telephone call; so that limited the times that we could call one another. The daily telephone calls ended and I really missed that. I did write them letters once in a while but not often. My mother often wrote me notes. We didn't communicate often with his parents either. I had 4 more children over the next 6 years. Life was very busy. During those years the only time we saw our parents was when we made a trip back home which wasn't often. We didn't take very many family vacations due to money, time, old cars and etc.
My parents always came for at least a week to help us when I had a new baby. Those were treasured visits with wonderful memories. My mother was so good to help. When I had my last baby she ask me if I was going to have anymore because she felt to old to do this again. Now I am at the same age she was and I feel the same; I feel to old. I regret that I didn't have more time with my parents. I wish we could have talked more often, wrote more frequently and visit more times. We didn't have text messaging, cell phones, and email so communication was harder. I am so happy we can communicate better with the technology of today. So enjoy your parents now and communicate more.
Next regret is our siblings. On both sides of our families we have a total of 10 siblings. Through the years we didn't communicate often at all with our brothers and sisters. It would be weeks before we would hear that they had a new baby arrive or other news.We didn't reach out to them and we didn't share our lives with one another. I think that is so sad. Even now we live in the same city as many of my husband's siblings and we only manage to get together a couple of times a year.
We have each lost our oldest sibling. I did get closer to my oldest brother in the last few years of our parents lives. I also reconnected with my other brother during those later years. However, we still don't see or communicate very often with each other.I know that it is very important for us to become closer to our remaining siblings and their families. I have hopes that our family can stay closer and give our grandchildren a chance to know their cousins better than we did. Perhaps with some work we can solidify our own families and extended families.
So being in this reflective mood I decided it was time for me to listen to a tape that my Dad made for my Mom for her birthday in 1996. I have been wanting to listen to it for 10 years but knew that it was going to be an emotional moment for me and it was. I miss my Daddy and Mommy. My Dad loved to sing and dance.
I remember so many love songs that he would sing like; "My Wild Irish Rose", "Always", and other ones. He made this tape of sweet love songs and thoughts for my mother's just for her. One was a song he wrote for her.This tape is a treasure and that is exactly why I will have a headache at 3 am. I will enjoy this headache because I loved listening and crying to every song he sang. I hadn't heard my Dad's voice for a very long time. So I sat back and enjoyed this bereaving moment.
Just remember treasure every moment you have with your parents, siblings and extended family. I know that we will one day see those who have passed on; because I believe in Eternal Families. Meanwhile, enjoy the sweet minutes you have with your parents and families now.