Monday, March 19, 2012

What Would You Do Different? ~

Why would l want a headache?? I know that if I cry a lot I will have a headache sometime around 3 am. So why in the world would one want to cause a headache. I will tell you why. I have been pondering on what I would change in my life and if I could start over what would I do different? In truth there is not much that I would change. I have enjoyed my life. I would want the same parents and siblings.

I would want my same husband, children and posterity.

I am happy with the path I have taken. I liked being a daughter, sister, girlfriend, wife, mother, grandmother, and great grandmother. I liked the career of nursing that I chose and the opportunities I had while working. I have loved all of the callings in the church that I have been given. Some of the callings have been difficult but good learning experiences and many of them have brought me great joy.
There are just a few things I would have done different. I would have perhaps had more children. I feel sad that I didn't have one more. However, my health wasn't good at the time I  wanted another child. I felt it wasn't wise to have another baby.
 I would have liked to have been a more patient mother. Perhaps laughed more and raised my voice less. However, the older and wiser I became the better I was at laughing through many parenting experiences. I loved being an imperfect mother and loved those children of mine with all of my heart and soul. Now I can enjoy my grandchildren and great grandchildren more because I have more patience and wisdom.
Well back to the tears shed today. I got to thinking about my parents. My father passed away in October of 2001 and my dear mother passed away in July of 2006.

My oldest brother passed away in July of 2010. I miss them all so much. Just thinking about them started my tears.

 Here are a few more things I would do different. When I first got married we lived near both our parents. I was very close to my mother and would call her every day. She loved my dear husband so much. So if I ever complained about him she would take his side. I loved her for that. My mother was so good to take the children when needed as were my husband's parents. Both of our parents really enjoyed our first two sons.  When my husband graduated from college we moved to California. In those days  you had to pay for every minute of a telephone call; so that limited the times that we could call one another. The daily telephone calls ended and I really missed that. I did write them letters once in a while but not often. My mother often wrote me notes. We didn't communicate often with his parents either. I had 4 more children over the next 6 years. Life was very busy. During those years the only time we saw our parents was when we made a trip back home which wasn't often. We didn't take very many family vacations due to money, time, old cars and etc.
 My parents always came for at least a week to help us when I had a new baby. Those were treasured visits with wonderful memories. My mother was so good to help. When I had my last baby she ask me if I was going to have anymore because she felt to old to do this again. Now I am at the same age she was and I feel the same; I feel to old. I regret that I didn't have more time with my parents. I wish we could have talked more often, wrote more frequently and visit more times. We didn't have text messaging, cell phones, and email so communication was harder. I am so happy we can communicate better with the technology of today. So enjoy your parents now and communicate more.
 Next regret is our siblings. On both sides of our families we have a total of 10 siblings. Through the years we didn't communicate often at all with our brothers and sisters. It would be weeks before we would hear that they had a new baby arrive or other news.We didn't reach out to them and we didn't share our lives with one another. I think that is so sad. Even now we live in the same city as many of my husband's siblings and we only manage to get together a couple of times a year.
 We have each lost our oldest sibling. I did get closer to my oldest brother in the last few years of our parents lives. I also reconnected with my other brother during those later years. However, we still  don't see or communicate very often with each other.I know that it is very important for us to become closer to our remaining siblings and their families. I have hopes that our family can stay closer and give our grandchildren a chance to know their cousins better than we did. Perhaps with some work we can solidify our own families and extended families.
So being in this reflective mood I decided it was time for me to listen to a tape that my Dad made for my Mom for her birthday in 1996. I have been wanting to listen to it for 10 years but knew that it was going to be an emotional moment for me and it was. I miss my Daddy and Mommy. My Dad loved to sing and dance. 

I remember so many love songs that he would sing like; "My Wild Irish Rose", "Always", and other ones. He  made this tape of sweet love songs and thoughts for my mother's just for her. One was a song he wrote for her.This tape is a treasure and that is exactly why I will have a headache at 3 am. I will enjoy this headache because I loved listening and crying to every song he sang. I hadn't  heard my Dad's voice for a very long time. So I sat back and enjoyed this bereaving moment.
Just remember treasure every moment you have with your parents, siblings and extended family. I know that we will one day see those who have passed on; because I believe in Eternal Families.  Meanwhile, enjoy the sweet minutes you have with your parents and families now.


JoelandDeborah said...

Beautiful! I'm so glad I clicked on your link and read this. Your post is full of gratitude and the Spirit. Thank you for uplifting me. I needed it so badly tonight.

Grammy Staffy said...

Ahhh...what a tender touching. How wonderful that you have that tape of your father singer. What a treasure. No wonder you will have a headache... but I'm sure it is worth it.

Thank you for taking time to meet me for lunch. It is lovely being with you. You are dear to me.

We made it home through the snow storms today without problems. It was a lovely visit.

Have a great week. Hugs, Lura

Denise said...

Such a very heart touching post, bless you.

Sue said...

Such a touching post; I really enjoyed it. And I am reminded to stay in the very closest contact with those I love.

Thanks for sharing your experience with all of us. Your parents look like a very sweet couple.


Diane said...

I just love your blog and your insights.

Kara said...

Heart hearing for you...
So much tender love in this post.
And it gives me -pause-
While I can still make changes and make connections.
You have such a heart for family LeAnn...I love that.
Thank you for all of your kind, encouraging comments over at our spot. They mean a lot to me...

Joyful said...

This was such a touching post. Your headache will have been worth the price of hearing your father's voice again and reliving cherished memories.

Messy Marriage said...

My parents are both gone now too. And there are moments when something will trigger a memory of them--then comes the tears. I will pray for you that you are able to freely grieve such loving parents and brother! Thanks for sharing!

Diane said...

Oh, this was so sweet! I lost my Mom 10 years ago next month, and, though I know she is busy and happy on the other side of the veil, I miss her! Thank you for this tender little prompt to keep in touch with those we love. While they are still with us! Thank you for sharing on NOBH!

Darlene said...

This really was touching, LeAnn. I am so glad that you had as many children as you did because it does seem like you didn't have as good a close relationship with your siblings. I can sympathize because that is one of the things I can be so grateful for. I was always extremetly close to all of my siblings and my mom lived with me for most of my life. We were so close as my dad died when I was just 10 years old. When I got married, she lived with my older sis for awhile, and ultimately came back to live with me. She died in 1965 at the age of 82.

Take care and enjoy your life!!

fsmum said...

Lee Ann, you brought a tear to my eye with this post. It was truly moving. I discovered your blog through a comment you made over at casual blogger community and loved reading it. Like you, I wish I had had more children. I didn't think I wanted kids until I hit my late thirties. Then, when I realised I did, nothing happened. I was lucky enough to have a son when I was almost 42. I then had a few miscarriages so now, that I am 46, I don't think my little boy will be having any siblings. That makes me sad. But I definitely wouldn't change most of the other thngs in my life and I do cherish and love my elderly mother and the rest of my family, immediate, extended and in laws.

Kim said...

You pen such a poignant reminder to love our families so deeply and well.

I am so grateful you have the video from your dad. Those moments, whether captured in snapshots, letters, or videos are veritable treasures as we look over lives well and brightly lived. Just one reason I remind moms to make sure that they step into the pictures, too. :-)

I am reminded of Garth Brooks song "If Tomorrow Never Comes", and the chorus and ending:

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

Heidi Allen Garvin said...

LeAnn, What a beautiful message. I almost felt that I was there - hearing your Dad singing and seeing him and your mother dancing together. What sweet memories those are. I think that's why it's so tender; we miss them so much - even though we of the future promised blessings and ...peace.
You have such a good heart! Thank you for blessing so many of our lives!
As well, would you contact me by email. I have something I wanted to ask you.
Heidi G.- from MormonMomsWhoBlog

Mama Rachel said...

What tender, precious advice! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us today. I think I'm going to call my sister...

Kim-A Creative Spirit said...

Beautiful post dear. Funny as I have been thinking lately about regrets I have and missing my mom and dad soooooo much. You sparked me to want to write my Sunday morning post about just that. Thanks for that gift..... I too used to talk to my mom everyday even tho we were always at least 2 hours apart, and yes that was in the days when every phone call cost me. My husband knew there would be no fighting it so he just went along with the large phone bills. Oh well, I could go on and on but I will be writing it in my blog tomorrow. Be Blessed.

As Sistas in Zion said...

Such sweet memories. Well worth the headache we are sure.Thank you for the reminder to connect with our loved ones while we have the opportunity.


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