I really enjoy writing blog posts. I know that I am not a great writer but I do like to write from my heart. I find that when I am writing, it is a way to let go of some of my pent-up emotions and helps me think through my life choices. I seem to find a clearer path when I am reading and writing about various subjects. I hope by writing today that it will help me find my way through the twists and turns of the past few days.
Another forum for writing is in my personal journals. Writing in my journal has been such a blessing in my life. I have several large journal books of my thoughts and feelings through the years. They contain my life experiences. I am hoping that I have expressed lessons learned and gratitude for every moment I have had on this earth. I know in there are priceless memories of our marriage together, our children our grandchildren and our great grandchildren. I have written about our parents and siblings through the years. I know that my journals are full of rich experiences in various assignments in our church. I have had many unique experiences that have been faithfully recorded in my journals. I have shared my testimony of my faith in our Savior and the blessings given to me by a loving Heavenly Father. I have written about our family traditions, our vacations, our fun moments with family and friends. I have written of many priesthood blessings given and the healing that has come. I have also written about the hard struggles of my life and the lessons in faith that have occurred during those times. I have found that our greatest growth comes after the trial of our faith.
During my nursing career I had so many special experiences with providing nursing care to others. I learned great lessons from those that I cared for. I have many stories stored in those journals of special sacred moments before death overtook those dear (patient) friends. I had many spiritual experiences where I witnessed those nearing death communicating beyond the veil. My testimony grew considerably in life after death. I also witnessed the miracle of modern day technology in saving lives. I felt the rush of acting quickly to help one in an emergency situation.
Through the years I have been blessed with remarkable friends who have enriched my life. Each one of them has left an impact on me. Their loving kindness and service have lifted me in moments of need. These sweet times are recorded in my journal.
The journal has been the format for writing when I have a need to express my deepest thoughts and feelings. In blogging I share a lot of life experiences; but my journal is reserved for those deeper spiritual moments and feelings that have helped to heal my soul. Those private thoughts where I have expressed my deepest concerns and my most profound gratitude.
I desire with all my heart to express positive thoughts and feelings here. However, sometimes in order to find that positive thought one must experience some of the negative sides of life.
Adam and Eve were plainly taught that there is opposition in all things in order to bring forth the purposes of God.. We must know pain and misery in order to feel and recognize joy and peace. I know that in order to become a more Christ like person, one must go through various stages of growth. These times are usually difficult. We find the rainbow after we have been through the storm. I know this to be true.
Today I have a need to write the feelings of my heart. Just yesterday I had a day that I thought would never end. First of all I have had to make a difficult choice. I had my Aunt Della going through the final stages of her life. I have been trying to go out to be with her and her family each day. My husband had a kidney stone episode over the weekend and it took a while to get that diagnosed. He has been in tremendous pain on and off. As of writing this post he still hasn't passed the stone. Meanwhile, we purchased airline tickets to fly to Spokane to be at our grandson's baptism on Saturday. So the question was shall we go or shall we stay. My Aunt Della has been so dear to me that I wanted to be with her.However, I also felt that I needed to be with my grandson. Thus far we have never missed a baptism for any of our grandchildren. My daughter has an health issue that I am concerned about and I want to be with her and help in some way. My cousin felt I should go to this family event. He said he wouldn't have the funeral without me. He also planned to take a day or two to get some much needed rest from the stress of caring for his mother before making the final plans. It was still hard to make this decision.We are now in the Denver airport on a layover. I just contacted my cousin and my Aunt passed away this afternoon. This is a very emotional moment because I was also flying home from Denver in 2006 when my mother passed away. My brother had called me just as we got on the flight out of Denver to Salt Lake and I cried all the way home. I have not been able to be with either of them during those last few minutes of their life. It is difficult for me understand the timing of these events. However, I whispered in my Aunt Della's ear last night that I loved her. I told her that her husband, my mother, father and her parents would be there to escort her to her new home in the spirit world. I know this is true.
I know that angels are near to bear my cousin, his family and my Aunt Alene up during this sad time. I know that they will have the comfort of the spirit with them all.
I guess this is the day to vent some of my feelings. These twists and turns are hard and we need to recognize that these kinds of experiences are part of the process of learning those Christ like attributes of patience, tolerance, humility, meekness, faith, hope, love and etc. To me the greatest of these characteristics is love, to have the Pure Love of Christ is the ultimate goal. To love as the Savior loves.
My heart is full of love for all of you out there in blog land along with my friends, immediate and extended family. I know that all of you have had or will have similar experiences as those I have experienced this past week. This is what we signed up for. This is our life. It is important for us to learn these lessons. In order to have in our hearts the pure love of Christ. Our day to day journey is the learning path for this very thing.
I am saddened by the loss of my Aunt. I have deep love for my cousin and his sweet wife and family. Losing a mother is never easy. Last week our friends lost their 3 year old son following open heart surgery. Losing a child is probably one of the worst of life experiences for a parent. This too has weighted heavily on my heart. I have concern and compassion for the pain that my husband is experiencing. These past two days and last week were learning days where I have had to exercise patience, faith, love, understanding and compassion. Of course, in between all of this I have also felt a little anger and frustration.
I am grateful to know that there is a divine plan for all. I believe in the "Plan of Salvation". This life is a gift from our loving Heavenly parents and our Savior, Jesus Christ. This path does not end with death. I believe in Eternal Life and I know that I will see again those loved ones that have passed on into the Spirit World.
These are my heartfelt thoughts today.
One of my favorite scriptures is found in Doctrine and Covenants 84:88 "And whoso areceiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go bbefore your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my cSpirit shall be in your hearts, and mine dangels round about you, to bear you up". This is a scripture that brings me great comfort